I have not been here for a long time. I have been lost, so to speak. I still have not found myself, or whatever the fuck it is I am supposed to find, to feel whole. I still feel, like I have so many missing pieces that it is an impossible task, so I have given up and am doing my best to divert my energy towards more feasible goals.
I was diagnosed, with cancer, in the spring, of last year. And, now, “they” keep giving me expiration dates, like stamping the bottom of my feet with “use before” blah blah blah. I do not accept, “expiration dates”, with this disease, or any other. I know better. I have seen with my own eyes, myself, and many others, pull themselves back out of the grave, and stand themselves on terra firma, again, and again.
Cancer, is simply rage, held within the body, for so long that it begins to physically “eat away” at us. It is a metaphor, physically manifested for what is going on within one’s spirit. Sick fucks, left me with a shitload of it, long ago, and, in my wounded state, I continued to allow more sick fucks into my realm, over and over again, until I was so full of resentment and rage, that it finally took over.
I fucked up. Lesson, learned. Now, I am doing what I need to do, to turn this thing in me around, and purge it out. I do not wish to die. Not now. I have too many things I want to do, and to experience, before I leave this particular lifetime, thank you.
The point of this fable, is this: we can allow, or choose to NOT allow, sick fucks in our lives, to fill us with such crap. Their shameful behaviors, are just that: theirs. It is not our job, to wear their overcoat of shame. It is not our responsibility, to carry their sickness and humiliation for them.
I am giving it all back, to them. Fuck them. I will be damned, if I allow them, to fuck me, ever again.
L
